EIJIHS - ®

Remember Sir Ivan Sim, the guy that made me who I am and took me to where I am today. He has left, again. This time, in less than 2 years even though he was the one who told me to come over. I would move too if the opportunity was granted, it is to a much better place, the new-age Fintech by Standard Chartered. I can't say I am not disappointed, I am just upset at the manner which he kept the whole incident to himself and only told us when it happened. And his cowardice full of shit reasons for that. He was my mentor, my idol and i still dream about working for him, with him but I guess it is time to move on. I guess in broader perspective, I wanted to work in my "dream" team and he was part the dream. Now, I'll just have to go make "my own" dream team. I was watching IU and Lee Sun Kyung's hit, My Mister and there was this scene about the wife confessing the scandal she had with the husband. It is back to the same old shit, she wanted to be

i am so sick of this world. i truly feel so alone in it. i have no suicidal thoughts because I do not have the courage to die so do not worry. i feel that i do not deserve to be happy most of the time, i yearn to be in a much lesser state i am losing friends who i thought shared the same values and beliefs i am tired i am sad i feel stupid I feel like a zombie.

1999 The Matrix made the entire world rethink their existence, are we living in the "real world" or are we "plugged into" the Matrix. It is still one of my favorite movies of all time, not simply because of the amazing CGIs and cool action scenes but the whole idea behind our purpose and existence as human beings. I am struggling a lot these days, with trying to find good of and in life. I am in great shape myself but I'm struggling mentally and spiritually. I am slowly losing interest in new social interactions or for that matter just about all of them. I dream of living a 3 meals a day kinda life. When will I have the courage. Probably go on a short pilgrimage, I'm walking these days, pushing to 3km and trying to hit 5km soon. I really hope to go on this journey.