As i aged, i understand how the world functions, the more you know, the
more afraid you become, then you become like them and then you try to
wrestle with your subconscious against the foundation of your own values
and beliefs. You will eventually come to a crossroads where you have to
choose, your dreams vs being success
Well the whole world knew what I chose, definitely the latter. Maybe partly influenced by the reason we broke up, I was deem a unmotivated and someone who lacks ambition, you never said it but I could tell. Maybe then that was why I chose money, of course having a Dad struggling to pay his own bills and only relying on my mother's savings had a huge part to play on my decision but hey... we are all given choices so do not put any blame on circumstances or lack of support but yourself.
On a hot and lazy Friday afternoon, I had tea-break with my new work buddy, boss call in sick so I'm on my own and I queried on his route to where his is today. Truth is just like the above, we all choose to pick something practical and tangible over our dreams, so did he, it was safe, his dream of becoming a doctor was too far-fetched, clearly he would have failed the interview, not with his lack of academic qualifications but his lack of connections.
So being through hell, do i wanna let my kids go through what i did?? People often ask what can Canada give you that Singapore can't?? My answer as straightforward, possibilities... For one the country is massive, they have huge market for any and everything, professional sport clubs, renowned art galleries, massive musical halls. You literally would be able to become who you want to be, in any case you can even go down to New York, 5hrs drive for an interview should you wanna be some big shot in a suit and tie.. And then this chap came to mind.
took him awhile to get used to me, understands the whole social hierarchy system, exploits it and live his life to the fullest, at a tender age of 16months? He would have no problem with the world, 2 amazing sisters to guide and nature him, he'd probably eat the world for lunch.
Then came dinner with my ex colleagues, a dinner topic came down on concerts held at the SG indoor stadium instead of the national stadium. I applaud the organizers for not allow concerts to be held at the national stadium because, ever since the stadium was rebuilt EVEN OUR NATIONAL DAY PARADE was not held there, WHY? it's way too expensive. They once turn away the rugby 6 competition for a Jay Chou concert which is a clear indication of solely for profit.
This guy, Msian citizen, Aussie and SG permanent resident said this...
"That is how it should be isn't it, whoever racks in most income should be able to use the facilities, that's the reality isn't it, that's how the world goes around, money makes the world goes round"
Disgusted I said "Love makes the world goes round not money Jem" and he replied "Love? so you gonna pay this meal with love?"
"So this is the kinda world you want your kids to grow up in?"
And it was getting loud and personal, another friend stopped the conversation. I left it.
This is the same guy that said Singapore would be dead without foreign talents and that I do not understand economics when I was talking about the crazy white paper increasing SG's population to 6.9million.
He is not wrong, he isn't... at least by the world's judgement, easily S$120k a year, living in a S$4million house, ex CFO of a start up and currently a regional finance controller, how can such a successful dood he be wrong. I meant it when I said he isn't wrong, not in the moral sense, moral doesn't make cents so...
This is the kind of negativity I want to escape from, where the rich and powerful only cares about how to increase wealth and authority to further reestablish their status but amidst these "successes", they would not help the less fortunate.
And build this awesome, self sustaining home, away from the city, the noise, the "glam" and facade of "$$$$$". The design would be a cross between the 2, definitely higher ceiling of at least 4.5metres for the first floor and my master should have nothing obstructing my view except tress and the sky.
I know noona felt my expectations with Canada's way too high than how realistically it is and I do not disagree. The whole world is changing and people are changing and you can't stop it, I know what to expect, at least i feel maybe i could live a lot "simpler" life away from Singapore. All I can say is that it can't be worst than how or where I am right now... suffocating. With the only trade-off S$$$$, thank god for my sister, I can irresponsibly leave the whole family with her and not worry much about my parent's expenses, but they don't really need much, my mom saved a bit, my dad has the gov feeding him, the house is paid off... nothing much to worry though.
I dream a dream . . . I'm visualizing from 2020 onwards a challenging 10 years and I will achieve this inner peace and live a cleaner, healthier life for the last 20 years of my life...
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