"compromise is only for the strong, the weak can only follow"
I read this quote in some movies or drama which resonates with me very closely. I once explained this concept to my dear friend Mr Sim, to get him to stop measuring people to his level, especially when they are our teammates.
So one day, the other friend whom i introduced into the team, gave a very "strange and unfounded" remark, and I snapped.
Eric: "I chose August because I want them to report"
Me: "Yes i know you want but why do you want, we need to justify"
Eric: "No, because I want him to report it"
Me: "You can't say things like that, this is not your father's bank, you can't just use your opinion to request submission of a specific time, your opinion does not matter to them"
Ouch?? Harsh but fair in some regard.
When you are self declaring yourself as a Regional Governance in a Japanese Bank, your opinion does not matter, the corporate title does, and when the work is eventually stamped off by the GM of the branch, who is on par as our Department Head, our opinions seriously DOES NOT MATTER.
He was hurt, angry and was a bit off for a few days.
He is a friend, still, maybe i should not be that harsh BUT at that point, he had something else to do, which he wasn't doing, I wasn't asking him a question, he decides to chip in, fine but you need to provide well founded answer.
And I did not approach him because I knew he wasn't ready for questions as such yet, his heart came from the right place, I knew he want because he wanted senior management to have a heads up BUT you can't force people to do things because you think what you think is right.
Well that's the nature of my work . . .
So there's some guilt after a few days, I remembered him telling me that he has problem hearing and articulating words when he were young, he had to go for phonics lessons and to learn to hear from looking at people's mouth as well. His 2nd elder sister is sick, she kinda need to be looked after 24/7 so I was wondering if he has some condition that I need to be more patient with him about.
Thing is, I'm not THAT great at my job to begin with, I need time to research on things I do not know, I spend hours reading and reading notices, laws, statutes and regulations because WE are the next most hated team after internal audit within the bank. We have to be ready whenever questions are thrown, there's NO "I'll come back to you after i check", it's a WEAKNESS that people will tear apart.
And me being a guy, I'm already careless, forgetful myself, and I still have to keep track on his timelines, his deliverable with Mr Sim in and out of office because his wife is pregnant, pressure does get to me.
Well many would have wondered, why did I get him into the role, we got him in for SOX compliance, not for the local regulatory space, so he needs to spend time and effort to regurgitate and regurgitate, think and rethink and ask the right questions. Before an email is sent, before a remark is passed, we go through different possible outcome multiple times to provide the most apt response.
He is still on the phase of "I am thinking aloud" when I need him to think aloud on his own, come out with his on decisions and the reasons behind every response, which response is he drafting for? Us? Management? CEO? our opposition? It all matters.
Sigh . . .
I'm not upset because of him
I'll be upset if he continues to be upset about me instead of asking me why am I so upset with him about.
I too went through this phase, 2nd month into my tenure, one day I couldn't take it from all the "same sharp questions" Ivan threw me and left on the dot. My boss got a shock but I needed an early off to sort my thoughts out.
I finally did into my 3rd and 4th months, with the help of countless sticks of ciggies of course...
"only strength can cooperate. weakness can only beg"
-Dwight D. Esienhower
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