Sociology taught me to not view things from the common sense way and instead, look at things in different perspective. A very classic Dr. Sunny Goh lesson begins with
"Maybe the problem with racism is racial segregation or divorce is the idea of marriage"
Many would scoff initially but then it all make "sense". If there's no concept of marriage, there wouldn't be divorce to begin with. Of course, eliminating is not the solution for everything, still it is an option.
Today I met up with my an old pal Mr Chong whom I met during my Polytechnic days. Majority of my closest friends always started off with the wrong foot, he was this ridiculously loud and enthusiastic guy from a single gender school his entire life, I was this "trying to be cool" and "too good for this course" dude so I never really wanted to get along.
I forgot how we started hitting off but he introduced anime to me and started passing me discs and that was how we got "connected". Anyway the main reason we resonated was our passion with our values and beliefs and that introvert personality. Even though our goals were different, we often share our problems in subtle ways, had crazy fun and laughter and at the same time respect each other's needs for solitude.
This was the bro code that I was clearly missing and found out that I've missed in the early part of my teenage days. I was used to being in the center of attention and being a in relationship that I realized what I truly missed and craved. He was one of the few people that got me through those tough days.
I'm pretty sure most of you saw what was coming... He's in the midst of a divorce.
He was the reason why i flew back 2 days earlier from Toronto to attend his wedding, which some other poly mates were sore about. They've never dared to ask directly, while the closer bros would find it weird that I do not attend everyone's wedding, to which I gave the same answer.
"Your marriage is your own choice, you do not need to seek my blessings to be happy, I really do not wish to spend my time on people who I do not genuinely care about just so that you would feel important because you ain't."
Most of them are taken aback, but I had reached that phase of "zen" that I truly values my time more than others.
While I was happy that he got married to the girl whom I did not have very good opinion of, because she had priors, I still want to believe that they WILL be happily ever after. It was not meant to be.
While they were dating, she lied to go on a trip with some friends, I do not even wish to go there because there's NO NEED to lie about. Even if he disallows you to go, it is still your choice and right to go, you DO NOT NEED to lie. But that was eons ago, they broke up and then got back together shortly after. I do not need to question his decision because it was truly not my right, I could tell he really like her that much to forget and forgive everything.
She organized a surprised party for him once, it took a lot of effort and time and coordination. I was sold then that she probably was not that person I thought she was before and am glad that he made the decision back then.
Earlier this year we met, he told me he had some problems with her and that she was being cold and unresponsive, she was in Japan to further her studies and he was paying for her expenses then. It all transpired when she asked if he could visit her again, 2 weeks after he did and left, well I guess it was innocent of her to dare to request while he burdens on everything they had to pay all alone, the told her off.
Amongst many reasons she gave that no 1 listens to her which is why she found someone else, the wedding vows she took clearly stated in no any given circumstances can you cheat.
While he visited her before everything came to light, she decides against going to the concert which she agreed to and left him all alone in Japan while she went ahead to have fun with the other asshole. Even when things came to light, she did not come begging, she only came back after his ultimatum to choose, I beg to differ to his opinion that at least she came back, she came back because her dad was sick.
They are both in therapy at the moment, he wanted it to last until the house comes by in next year, she wanted to conclude by Christmas.
My speculation can only be that she was "pretending" to have tried to exhaust all her efforts to salvage the marriage, while she could then, reduce her guilt and judgement by others to divorce in "peace".
I hope i am wrong, i truly hope I am. . .
There's no real reason to need to cheat, if love's already gone, get a divorce before you engage in another relationship. Any excuses here are just plain outright cowardice at best....
Fuck this shit
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